ICE Capades

Does the prospect of beating and detaining strangers on the street excite you? Are you bored with working meaningless jobs that offer no advancement?

Then ICE wants you!

Thanks to federal expansion and the acquiescence of a distracted public, you too can be part of Team ICE. But do you have what it takes? Let’s find out.

*Are you filled with rage and have nowhere to channel it?

*Do you have emotional issues that can’t be peacefully resolved?

*Were you a bully in high school, or better yet, bullied and seek some payback?

*Do you hate the Constitution?

*Do you know what the Constitution is?

*Are you armed?

*Did you serve in the military and felt it was too woke?

*Are you able to stand the piteous cries of those who are clearly guilty of something?

*Do you swear allegiance to our Lord & Master Donald Trump?

If you said Yes to all of these questions, grab an ICE jacket and welcome aboard. If not, turn yourself in immediately to the local ICE facility. And if you don’t, fear not, we’ll find you.

The best days are ahead. God Bless America!